Have you ever felt extremely sad, abandoned, unloved, and all of a sudden received an insight that gives you temporary relief from your anguish? Or, have you felt that you have no future now that your loved one is not going to be with you, and then in a flash you see something you can do to keep the struggle for survival alive? Where does this information come from? Who or what is behind it?
Henri Nouwen, the worlds best-selling spiritual writer, says it comes from the inner voice of love, what others might call your spirit guides, guardian angels, God, or your deceased loved one. The science community would give it to intuition, the sudden knowing without reasoning that springs from within.
Of importance here is: how can you deliberately seek it out in order to cope with the loss of your loved one? How can you keep from being completely absorbed in your painone of the mistakes we all make at one time or another. Here are some useful considerations.
1. Find a place either in your home, church, or in nature where you know you will not be disturbed or where silence reigns. Rest in a comfortable position for a few minutes. Scan your body for tension and visualize any tense muscle as a stretched rubber band. Now use your imagination and see the tense muscle shorten and relax. Take your time.
2. Keep a pen and paper on your person or nearby so you can write down whatever comes into conscious awareness. Now ask God, your Higher Power, angel, spirit guide, or your loved one to come to help you in your great time of need. As you sit quietly, be alert to whatever images come into your awareness, sounds you may hear, or feelings you may have. Jot down whatever you feel is significant. Later, meditate on what you have written.
3. Next, ask where you should turn to find the right person or persons to share your deepest feelings about your great loss. Your inner voice will lead you to those whose love will help ease your pain. Listen patiently. Look for a clue from the images that pop into your mind, after you complete stating the question.
4. Ask what you need to know, or what course of action you need to take, to deal with the deep emotions you are feeling. Treat your inner conversation the same way you would treat a best friend who was in your presence. Again, write down what comes into your mind.
5. Be willing to accept an image that pops into your awareness that you did not expect. Perhaps it might be a bird, a landscape, a pet, or another animal. Consider the symbolic meaning of this appearance and how it can be of use in your grief work, and the adjustment to your new surroundings.
6. What should you do if you feel you have had no response to your request? Just as we have been advised to persist when we pray, the same applies in seeking the inner voice of love. It will appear, but not necessarily on your schedule. You may receive insight in a dream or vision. Or later, you may suddenly receive a thought or message when you least expect it. In any event, be consistent in establishing a daily time to listen to your inner voice.
7. And what if an unwanted thought, sad image, or a punitive or authoritarian figure from your past comes to mind? Pause and decide if it carries any meaning or something to learn (for example, the punitive figure could remind you of what not to do in a relationship). Then dispatch it as easily as it appeared by immediately switching all of your attention back to your request. Dont give it power by letting it hang around. Refocus.
In summary, identify with the love within and trust your inner voice to give you the new awareness you need to see your loss in an accepting light. Of course, this is not easy to do, even though it is the only course of action that will lead to peace. With each search within you are developing your spiritual base.
Consistently ask for the insight and courage to face your new conditions of existence and learn to embrace the unpredictable. Look for repeating inner signs that you may have overlooked when they first appeared. Allow the love within to help you rise above and see you through this transformation. You are loved forever.
Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly ezine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com
Mark Twain
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