Reflections - Life is Too Short

We have all heard this saying over and over and many times throughout our lives.But have we really thought about what it means?

I never really thought about it until the death of my dear beloved husband in August of 2008.

Many times we get angry at our loved ones over what seems like a "big deal" at the time.We may say things that we really don't mean and later regret but it may have left a scar on the relationship.Nine times out of ten the argument or disagreement is settled and over with until the next one comes along.

In the grand scheme of things:

• Does it really matter that much if he left the toilet seat up?
• What is the big deal if she left the cap off of the toothpaste?
• So he or she did not call when they were going to be a little late.
• Who cares if he or she left clothes lying on the floor?

Life is too short to worry about these little things.This is a person you vowed to love and spend your life with; overlook it.As they say "don't sweat the small stuff".

Now that my husband is gone, I think back on the things he used to do that bothered me and I know I did things that bothered him and none of it was that important.Fortunately we got along very well and learned early on not to "sweat the small stuff" and I am so glad that we did.We had our disagreements and times that we "agreed to disagree" but we got through those times and made a special effort not to say things that we would regret.

Ours was not a perfect relationship but we loved each other very much and we respected each other and gave each other space.I don't think there is such a thing as a "perfect relationship" but in looking back I am glad we did not "nag" each other about small issues that did not really matter.

Think before you say or react to something, for one day your loved one may not be there.Another saying we are all familiar with is "pick your battles wisely".

Some suggestions that we used and you might want to think about:

• He left the toilet seat up again, your first thought is to yell at him or make some comment about it.STOP.It only takes a second for you to put the seat down again.
• She left the cap off of the toothpaste.It would take a total of 2 seconds to put it back on.
• He or she did not call when they were going to be late.Unless it is an unusual amount of time where you are worried that something has happened to them such as a car accident or something worse, just be patient and occupy yourself.When they walk through the door, be glad that he or she has come home safe and sound and is still there with you.Tell them you love them, you were worried about them and so relieved that they are home safe.
• He or she left clothes lying on the floor.Again it only takes a few minutes to pick them up.If something were to happen to them you would gladly have that chance again to pick up after them instead of packing their clothes away or giving them away because they are no longer with you.

Take a minute and think:

• "Is this that important to start an argument over?"Probably not.
• Go to another room to resist the temptation to argue about it.
• Get involved in something to take your mind off of it.Read a book or watch TV, etc.
• Make sure each of you have "your own space" to go to.
• If you are in a bad mood, do not take it out on your spouse.More than likely he or she did not cause your bad mood; deal with it on your own without blaming them.

My husband and I had what some may think is a silly ritual but it worked and we got quite a few laughs around our neighborhood.We had a T-shirt that had the word "Cranky" on the back of it.If either of us got up and was in a bad mood we would put the shirt on and knew to just leave the other one alone until the shirt came off.Silly as it sounds it prevented disagreements, hard feelings or arguments over "nothing".

Think about how much you love your spouse and cherish every minute you have together.The little things that arise from day to day living are not a big deal.Not having your spouse by your side once they have passed on IS a big deal and you will wish you had him or her around to "bug you" still.

Follow my blog on my thoughts and lessons I have learned as I go through the grieving and healing process of losing my dear husband.

http://grief-life-during-and-after.blogspot.com/

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